Johanna and Thanksgiving

I got the opportunity to spend this Thanksgiving with the one and only Johanna Von Bigenstrein, the Hairy Pirate Piece of Toast. For purposes of typing, she will be known hereafter as Johanna.

The trip started out early Wednesday morning, and by early, I mean that it started out around 11:00, which is when I finally dragged myself out of bed. Lazy? Possibly. More like I didn't bother to go to bed until earlier that morning. We packed our belongings, and then we headed for TRAX via the 811.

Now, Johanna is a Pirate, as clearly stated by her name, and so I wasn't worried about too much. I figured there couldn't have been a safer way to sail the highway 15 on the 811. I mean, who wouldn't want to travel with a pirate? All travel went without a hitch and we ended up at the University of Utah. "Enemy territory" says I, "A good day for bein' thankful" says she. Seems the spirit of thanksgiving had managed to temper even her temper, and though we were "impressed" by a young Ute on a skateboard, the trip down to Salt Lake managed to go off without a hitch.

Johanna's grandpa came and picked us up. We traversed (drove) the rocky terrain up to the tops of the mountains to their house, where we received a welcome to a port as warm and friendly as any I had known. Some highlights from the trip:

Thanksgiving Dinner
Definitely one of the highlights of the whole trip. Snippets of conversation went as follows:

Johanna's grandma: "Didn't the turkeys migrate over from Africa?"
Johanna's grandpa: "No, that's the black people."
(stunned silence falls over the table for a second, and giggles begin to be heard)
Johanna's grandpa: "What? I didn't mean for it to sound bad!"

Johanna's great aunt: "She was so popular she arranged to have three funerals. So they took her to the Great Salt Lake one last time."
Johanna's grandpa: "After she was dead?"
Johanna's great aunt: "No! Of course not! They shipped her out after she died so that she could have a funeral here."
Johanna's grandma: "I think you been reading things."

The Next Morning (Black Friday)
Johanna's grandpa decided that we needed new shoes. Yeah, even me. Seems I'd been adopted into this family and was entitled to the same benefits. The following happened while looking at various sales.

Johanna's grandpa: "Well, now Sears has a good sale."
Johanna's grandma: "Young girls don't shop at Sears; take them to Mervyns or something."
Johanna's grandpa: "What do you mean they don't shop at Sears? All my Latino friends shop at Sears."

Later, while driving through a cemetery:

Johanna's grandpa: "Johanna, your uncle said that he sees deer here all the time."
Johanna: "aye?"
Johanna's grandpa: "Yeah, a buck and his whole harem."

Who knew? I think I probably learned as much from this single week as I have in the rest of the semester in some of my classes. Later on we managed to round up a friend and do some exploring of SLC. The library there-great fun. Also, a good place to check the Board when the place you're staying has no computer with Board access. :D The trip home was equally uneventful, and it had better music. All in all, a thanksgiving worth being thankful for. Thanks be to the best piratess I know fer her kindly hospitality whilst my own family sailed for the capital. Yar.

Secret Assasins

I believe I have recently been the victim of an assassination attempt gone (thankfully) wrong. After an entire school year of safety, my large florescent light decided to turn on me for no good reason at all.

This is my story:

I'm sleeping, which seems lately to be a rare enough thing in and of itself, and I'm having a dream. I'm not exactly sure why, but at one point in the dream, I'm opening up some Tupperware. Exactly at the point where I should have heard the lid open, I hear instead a terrible crash and clattering. Knowing that it's far too early for Santa, I sit up confused and look about my room. I find that the large florescent light cover that had been previously affixed sturdily over my light has somehow been knocked loose and fallen at an angle clearly designed to try and kill me. Can I help but suspect foul play? I think not. Relieved at the obvious failure, I decide to inspect the damage in the morning, and snuggle sleepily back into my pillow.

As I inspected the damage the next morning, I found it'd been worse than I thought it would be. Shards of plastic lay strewn about my desk, my monitor bore its own battle wound, and a key on my keyboard had been unceremoniously ripped from its rightful placement. I don't know what kind of fiend could have been so truly nefarious as to cause such things, but this much I know...

I'll be sleeping with one eye open from now on.