Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Drippy

So many things to tell you
Such important news to share
Of things like trees, and tests and mud
But right now, you can’t be there

So many things to do with you
Like walking along the street
And holding hands and getting a hug
After a day that’s left us beat

So many events you’re missing
Like that time I curled my hair
And then it rained, and all went straight
Wet and drippy, it just hung there

So many things I’m missing
Like the smile you put on my face
So many parts and bits of me
I didn’t realize you’d put into place

I’m missing the big picture
And the fact that you’ll be home soon
I know you’re doing the things that are right
Just right now, I’m missing you.

Monday, March 28, 2005

Keep the Change...

I'm a person who is pretty adaptable at this point when changes come around. My family has moved tons of times in my life (we're talking over 30), and so it's something that I've become well accustomed to doing, but the idea of it is still something that intrigues me.

I just looked at a picture of my dogs-both of whom are now grown-where one was a puppy. Isn't it strange? Puppies become dogs, children grow into adults, and things that are new will eventually become old. Life moves forward.

I can't say that I've ever really comprehended change before it happened. When I was in Elementary School, I always knew that I was going to be going to middle school. I talked about how excited I was about it, yadda yadda yadda...but I didn't really understand that it would actually happen (same with college, moving, changing relationships etc.).

Everything changes, but its ok. Each time I've come to a new change, I've adjusted, and learned to live within it. Darwin's evolution has nothing on me. ;)

See, I think that being born in the time that I was has had some effect on this thinking. I have to say that growing up learning about the second coming, and the fact that it was going to happen sometime soon-ish caused me to plant the idea in my head that it's always the other possibility whenever I make plans. Wow, this is probably sounding really weird. Oh well.

This is how it goes. I think in these terms: I'll do ______ as long as the second coming doesn't come first. I'll definitely be _______ as long as the second coming doesn't happen first. These blanks get filled with things like "go to high school," "get married," "move into a house of my own," "have a family," etc.

I don't just do it with the second coming though. That's kind of my running thing for long term goals, but I think in the same terms on short term goals as well. I've also realized that I spend a lot of time not spending time in my own time. Thoroughly confused? Good!

I think a lot about the past-both my personal past, and history...as it is my major. I also think a lot about the future-later that week, later that month, later that year, 20 years from now-I think I spend very little time in the here, and now.

I'm not sure yet if this is a bad thing. I think I could focus a little more on the importance of some things now, but so far, focusing on the future and on the past has helped me to keep a good perspective on life in general. The only problem is that I focus on the future, and future goals, and future improvements to myself, and my potential and such, and often forget to stop and look at where I am at the moment. This leads us back to the whole "I'll do it if the second coming doesn't happen first" thing.

Intentions are good things. Everyone has to have SOME intent for doing things, or nothing of purpose gets done. But intentions aren't enough. You have to actually act on those good intentions without putting it off forever.

And now we're back to change. See, I've been kind of a passive changer-I've changed what I needed to adapt to different situations, but unless it seemed really necessary, I don't know that I've made too many changes of my own accord. This is because change is scary-it's something that happens to us, that we try to avoid bringing on our own heads. But, I think I need to be more actively changing-not a total revamp of who I am...as I'm actually kind of fond of who I am in general. This is a changing of the little things that I need to. The "sanding" phase, if you will (because I will).

So, that's about where my thoughts end. Basically, there are two types of change. There's the kind that just happens to you-growing up, seasons, weather, sometimes friends, moving with family etc. and it's really good to learn to adapt to those. Then there are changes that you instigate in yourself-a better attitude towards life, being kinder, loving people like Christ does, holding firm to your beliefs, smiling more, learning to like things that you didn't think you did...

That list could go on forever. Here's to change, and learning to actively instigate it, and not just go with it when it happens to come along.