Recently I've been trying to reshape my attitude about a few things. Most of these things involve the mistaken idea that I have that I'm somehow entitled to them, just by sake of being a good person.
See, I think that Fridays/the Weekends are my most common area of this sort of thing. The only other area that I can think of that I really do this is with naps. I seem to be under the false idea that because I live in America, and because I work pretty hard all week doing homework and the like, that I'm entitled to make Friday afternoons/evenings, and eventually the whole weekend, all mine. I think I get part of the idea because of the society that I've grown up in...but I've recently come to realize that I don't actually have any real entitlement to a weekend that I own all for myself--I don't work nearly hard enough that I really need that. I have classes during the week, but I don't actually DO anything that would be considered hard enough that I should feel irritation when asked to attend some church auxiliary programs--like choir. I shouldn't feel put out because I have to get up early on a Saturday morning because I'm going to a Relief Society Visiting Teaching activity--and I certainly shouldn't feel remotely pouty because I have to work on a Friday night. The truth is I should probably work harder on the days when no one is asking me to. I should be cleaner when no one is coming to visit, and I should be most productive when I have the time, and not when I've wasted it all in procrastinating.
I'm slow at this process...but I'm trying. I doubt that I'll ever perfect it--I might get better at lacking in procrastination, but I'll still probably feel slightly irritated when I have to do something on a Saturday, or when I have to work on a weekend. I'm working on it though--because I definitely don't feel like I've earned the right to feel entitled to those kinds of things yet.
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2 comments:
That's funny. I always feel the opposite. I'm upset when it's a Saturday morning and I don't have anything to go to. I go to choir practice just to have something to do. I even joined an extra Sunday choir. I wonder if you should have to go to choir practice if you don't really want to. I don't think I would make you, if i were in charge of the universe.
I think I have the same entitlement problem, sometimes. I'm okay with, say, choir practice right before church. But I tend to resent additional meetings on weekends more than on weekdays because I feel like the weekend is and ought to be mine. Right now I feel a lot more justified in claiming the weekend for my own because I'm putting in 8, 9, or 10-hour days at school every day. I haven't done that for a really long time. Therefore I feel I deserve a break (when I don't know that I really deserve anything at all).
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