Specialized Personalities

I've been thinking about people's personalities and marriage, which isn't surprising, I suppose, given that I'm a 20 year old female at BYU. It's something that seems to happen.

Anyway.

You know how we're always told that there isn't just one person that we could be happy in marriage with....That there are a lot of people out there with whom we could make a good, successful relationship and a happy home if we're just willing to work with them. Any two righteous temple-worthy adults, right? The idea of soul mates is one that has been (rightfully) denounced in the Church.

I really don't think I believe in soul mates, but I do think that there's a difference between not believing that there's only a single individual out there for you and believing that you could marry any individual who's righteous and be completely happy. Allow me to explain.

Some personalities are more generally compatible. It's kind of like majors. There are some majors and specializations that are easily applicable to any number of fields after graduation, things you get from most general education classes: basic history, principles of science, an appreciation of some of the more famous arts. Then there are things like specializing in the colloquialisms of the Mediterranean between the years of 1600 and 1741...Not something you can just bring up in regular conversation. Some people's personalities are the same way. There are the generally compatible with all sorts of people personalities, who have a wide selection of potential eternal companions because of the great number of people they'd be compatible with. Then there are the specialized personalities. These are people who are still wonderful, but they've got certain personality quirks that don't make it so that they could just have any old arranged marriage and make it work. There's absolutely nothing wrong with them, they've just got a narrower breadth of people with whom they could be potentially happy.

I think I'm a specialized personality, and I'm perfectly happy being that way. I get along with most everyone...But there are definitely a great many people whom I could rule out as possible marriage material; not because of any kind of unworthiness, but because I don't think we could be happy at all together barring some extraordinary change in their, or my personality. Don't start thinking that I'm walking down the street and picking out future husbands (not a chance), it's just something I've been observing as I've watched people run to get into a relationship and get married.

Something else that bugs me about other people's relationships is this: A lot of times when a girl is involved in a break-up she'll say something like, "Oh, I know there's someone better out there." I think the sentence needs to be changed. I don't think it's fair that a guy gets dumped on as soon as a relationship is over. Girls seem to do it all the time. They talk about how blind they were, how they never knew who the guy really was, or how terribly manipulated they were.

Girls, this is not fair. Sure there's someone else who's out there for you. And for you and your needs, he will likely be better. This doesn't make the guy who you broke up with scum, nor does it diminish his value as an individual. Some other person isn't better than him...He's just more suited to your needs and tastes. There are a few rare cases (generally involving abuse and the like) in which the guy really was a scum-bag, but a guy doesn't become scum just because he doesn't think your relationship is going somewhere. While break-ups are bound to be painful, don't dump on the guy, don't whine about how you didn' t know what you were getting into, and don't go being a jerk in general. Guys have feelings too, don't dump on them for dumping you, pick yourself up and move on. If you dumped him, fine. Don't talk about how you were wasting your time. Obviously there was something about the guy that you liked in the first place, or you wouldn't have ever started dating that person. Focus on the good, and move on.