Novel Concept the Kidnapper

I've had many titles in my life, but kidnapper hasn't ever been one of them...until my trip home for Christmas.

So I'm with Fractile and Phoenix (pronounced pah-hoe-nix) sojourning up to Salt Lake to go to the airport. Phoenix and I drop off Fractile, and then we head for some milk shakes and sustenance at a local Burger King. Everything goes off without a hitch, and I get to the airport, check in on time, and head through security. I happened to run into one of Songs of Inexperience's roommates, and we made sure to explain to her brother exactly what the Board was. Then I headed to my gate, and sat down with a little Wodehouse at the grand recommendation of Aunt Dahlia. I board the plane, and sit in my seat and wait....and wait....and wait...I felt kind of like one of the pioneer children minus all the walking.

First the plane's engine was apparently leaking something, and so they had to fix that. Then they fixed that, and something was wrong with the hydraulics. THEN everything mechanically wrong with the plane got fixed, and we got in line to take off. We're about an hour late by this time already, and finally we get our turn to take off. The engines rev, and we start to speed up, and then...we stop. The pilot comes over the intercom to say, "You may have noticed that we stopped. We're sorry, but it seems that another plane needs to use our airspace to land right now, so we're going to have to go around and get back in line." Finally, two hours after our initial take off time, we're on our way in the air, and I'm asleep. We land in Atlanta around 9:50 in terminal T. My connecting flight home leaves at 9:53 in terminal D. Now, 9:50 is when we landed, not when we finally got to the gate. Basically, by the time I got off of my plane and started heading towards D terminal, I've missed my flight by about 10 minutes. Sad day. I talk to the agent and get a $7.00 meal voucher, a hotel voucher, and a flight on the first plane the next morning.

Do I go to the hotel? Of course not! After all, I had just finished watching The Terminal, and I was prepared to figure out my own survival in this Atlanta airport. Now, had I taken a trip to the hotel, there'd be no really good story to tell. I likely would have been asleep by midnight, and then gone to the airport the next morning without further ado. Where would be the fun in that? (*Searches for fun...doesn't find any) So I wander the airport, suddenly very grateful for the fact that Phoenix suggested lunch, because those peanuts where just not doing it for me. I decide to start looking for a place to eat, but for some reason, everything is closed, even though it's only about 10:45. I end up saving my meal voucher for the promise of breakfast the next morning, and buying some pizza flavored cheese filled pretzels (combos?). Mmmm...Now there's a dinner for champions. I walk back to the terminal that I'll eventually be flying out of the next morning, and sit down with a paper and pen for a letter, and eventually for some more Wodehouse.

A lady eventually comes up looking very, very flustered. We talk for a little while, and I find out that she's missed her flight because she didn't quite understand how the Atlanta airport worked. Her name was Gina, and she was with her 4 year-old grandson named CJ. We talk for a little while, and discover we're both LDS. Well, I guess I discovered she was, and she discovered I was, because I was certainly previously aware that I was LDS. Anyway, after observing her harried state, I offered to go and play with CJ for a little while so that she could get some rest. She hesitated for just a second, and then she said that it would be fine. CJ and I headed off for the train/tram sort of things that run from concourse to concourse. We rode from D to A, and then back, and were gone for probably not more than 30 minutes. We get back to the terminal where Gina is supposed to be, and she's not there. CJ and I decide to do foot races back and forth in front of the terminal while we wait for her to return. About 10 minutes later, she comes, and she's crying. Apparently, while we were gone, she had calculated me to be a kidnapper, and she had gone to find us. Upon not finding us at the end of the D concourse, she reported my child-thieving activities to the airport security, and then run back to see if perhaps we had come back. Myself, not being a child-thief, had in fact, come back, and she was so relieved to see us both that she bought CJ an ice cream sandwich right then and there.

After the dramatics, I thought the evening would quiet down a little. It was, by this time, about 1:45 in the morning, and there were only about 7 hours until our flight finally took off. Enter the military man with the mouth of a sailor. He was a nice guy, but he had opinions on everything, and he felt that all should hear them. He said some pretty amusing things, though none of them are quite fit to put here. CJ too said some interesting things as the night went on. First, when discussing the fact that it's bad to be a bad person, CJ says, "Bad people go to live with the devil, and he lives where it burns and it's hot, almost as bad as California!" Who knew that California was hotter than the infernal regions? Next, while picking his nose, "I'm just getting all the boogers out of my nose here." Thank you CJ. I also managed to get looked at by all of the security guards like I was a kidnapper as I walked around the D concourse. I just smiled and waved in what I'm sure they felt was a guilty manner. Alas, such is life.

Finally around 2:00 I managed to fall asleep. I woke up every hour, until about 5:00, when I decided that it was really kind of a fruitless endeavor. I got myself some more Burger King with my special little meal voucher, finished and sent off my letter, and then I sat and waited to board. CJ wanted to play hide and seek, and I wanted to sleep, we compromised by throwing paper airplanes. Finally I got on my plane, after Gina and CJ hurried on because, as CJ said, "We don't want it to leave us again!" I settled down in my seat, asked for some orange juice, and fell asleep before she managed to bring it. I woke up at one point, sipped some, and then fell asleep again. By the time I woke up the next time we were making our final descent into my destination. I was welcomed by my wonderful family, who had even made signs that said, "Welcome Home [Novel's real name]l!" It was a wonderful sight, and it's so good to be home, especially after that particular airport adventure.