Monday, May 16, 2005

Somebody Hire Me?

For the benefit of all...and for my own catharsis, allow me to present to you my resume...or at least what SHOULD be there.

Novel Concept
Somewhere in Provo, UT
4-Hireme (444-7363)
Novelconcept@gmail.com

Skills: Man, I got skills like you wouldn't believe...I got skills with all of the following things:
  • School
  • Potato Chips and Cottage Cheese
  • Internet Chatting
  • Hundred Hour Board writing
  • Meat Moving
  • Nunchucks
  • Ninjas
  • sweltering-hot day Asphalt walking
  • Rain singing
  • Child Care
  • Button-Pushing
  • Cave making
  • Food cooking
  • Game playing
  • Hug giving
  • Charlotte/Vendetta impersonating
  • Burger flipping
  • Tortilla tossing
Work Experience:
  • 20 years experience playground equipment tester
  • 20+ years experience
  • 15+ years Movie Critic
  • 20+ years life experience
  • anything else it'll take to get you to hire me...Believe me--I'm perfect for this job...
Yeah, that's kind how I'm feeling right now. Just...Tell me what you want, and I can do it! Seriously, I'm skilled! No, really, I AM worth your time and well worth all your money. I think the main problem is that I'm not sticking around for any longer than spring and summer(I've got another job in the Fall)...At least, I keep telling myself that at this point so that I don't feel so bad about life. I've currently applied or inquired to about 20 on-campus jobs and 3-4 off-campus ones to no avail. I keep getting the emails or comments that say, "Thanks for applying, we appreciate your time, the position has been filled." Basically they're saying, "Thanks, but no thanks...You're just not quite good enough." Looks like I'll be back at the MORC again soon. Good thing the people there are so great.

In other news, I just counted all the money in my piggy bank. Looks like the accounts fall thus:
Pennies in my piggy bank: 253
Pennies in my real bank: a few more...

Good thing I can laugh about this...as Uffish said earlier: "Novel, you lead quite the life."
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5 comments:

SkyBluePink said...

Sears in the Provo Town Center (yeah, I deliberately spelled that wrong!). Apply to be a cashier. Really, it's a decent job and the folks there are mighty nice. You can do it!

10:11 PM
Anonymous said...

I told you miss, I'd hire you for 50 whole pennies an hour just to entertain me! And cook me the occasional quesadilla. Because, after all, no one can resist Novel's quesadillas...

P.S. I really would hire you if I had a company. You have mad skills at everything you try.

10:13 PM
Etelmik said...

Have you tried being a server? You could definitely get hired at my place, or Smurfer's, and you'd get the money, and you'd just have to pretend as if you're staying for a while...

Better than nothing? And Smurfer's work is close by...

10:59 PM
Mika said...

I would hire you based soley on your cave-making skills. That's all anyone really needs, you know, and there are so many people who just make horrible caves. But, um, I don't actually need anyone to make caves for me. Although I did have an offer from the company president today to start a Provo branch. That would be an adventure...and I would hire you then, except you'll be doing the whole babysitting freshmen thing...hey, your choice...

6:45 PM
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2:06 PM

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